Is it a Calling?

What drives you?

Have you ever done something you fully believed in and imagined it would create a sea change? I mean, have you put your heart and soul into something, hoping it would make a difference in a small way in the world, but also imagining it could flow beyond the small way? Well, that’s what writing offers me. And I have continued to write, despite less than stellar exterior appreciation.

Take my Dark Sides series, and specifically the final novel in the series, See Me. This story drove me from the beginning straight through to the “The End.” I cried sweat and blood writing the story. But it’s not for everyone, I know that. I knew that when I created the series with book one, Touch Me. With book two, Hear Me, my passion continued to flow with hope, though I acknowledged in my head that it would find its right and perfect readers and that would be all. And when I’d completed book three, I was filled with exhilaration and belief in the story’s message. Now weeks from See Me’s release, I still appreciate that it’s not a story for everyone, but I was hoping it could be the book that offered hope and support to anyone who dared to take the journey. In fact, I still believe in the possibility it will light up the world, even if only in a small way.

Sometimes my passion for writing is like a river. It flows and flows, over obstacles, around curves, demanding its path and carving out a way that won’t be denied. I’m sure writing isn’t the only activity to express itself so strongly, undeniably. Publishers Weekly once published a quote from novelist and short story writer, Valerie Martin. It went like this: “If you want to tell whether you’re a writer or not, just see if you can stop. It’s the basic test.” I don’t completely agree, but I get the sentiment. Still, we often question our ability, our right, our authority to do what calls us. But why think of anything as a test? Just do it, and see what happens, is my motto. Find a way to express.

I don’t mean to gloss over the self-doubt, the angst that often accompanies a calling, if you will. I spent years trying to outrun self-doubt and fear of exposure that I was a fraud. Now days, it comes and it goes, and I persist. I listen to the stories and their characters’ promptings. I don’t have to, but I’m happier when I listen and let the writing flow. I wondered about my husband’s “calling,” if he felt one or not. He remembered a strong something at a young age that he wanted to be a father. And as time passed, that strong urging helped him imagine he could be a kind, loving, and supportive dad to our children. Beyond fatherhood, he just wanted to be nice to people, thereby making the world a better place. I know that his kindness and loving ways have made my world a better place, and the same for our children.

I’d like to know, what do you think? Do you experience a similar expectation that you’ll help improve the world, whether you write or teach or work in a factory or work out math problems?